You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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