I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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