Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
