Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
