Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
did i just pee glitter
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