Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
