You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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