dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
