Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
