Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
