I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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