Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
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