I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
