You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
