Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
