The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
