my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Randomize
