I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
