Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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