I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
