Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
