But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The air was thick with penises
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
