Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
