mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
