$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
