OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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