Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
