remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
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