I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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