Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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