So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
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Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
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Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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