Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
false alarm. still invincible.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
