so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
