it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
