We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
