You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
