can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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