So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
my being single is dangerous.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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