at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
