just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It's just like the Real World with babies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Someone shattered a urinal.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
