So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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