So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
