I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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