so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
