I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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