I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
