I think I just saw someone hide a body.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
