I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
