Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
