I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
