I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
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