Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
is that a dick in a sweater?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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