please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
The adults are the big ones right?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
