Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
