While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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