$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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