i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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