i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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