It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
