Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize