Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
