people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
