STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
