Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
