I cannot find my penis.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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