how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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