I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Is Oprah even human
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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