Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
