Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
